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Blah. Ventfest in progress read at own risk. or better yet pass on by. for future references because channeling of a different person is being internalized



Rrrrr I know I'm a wuss. I know I'm a wimp. I know I have very little of MY own pain tolerance whilst I can feel others all day and no big. I know I whine alot. I know I complain. BUT I also know I have fought many of my own internal demons how because I am where I am at now. I know my physical pain stems from both my mind and my body because of what I've done to it. I also know alot of people have abused the SHIT out of their bodies too and suffer pain. So why should I always feel inferior or like these people are better then me because they abused their bodies their way and I abused mine my way but their pain is so much more important because they use things to keep functioning and Do the work they love or feel they have to do to keep afloat and I am too but in a different way then the normal 9-5 and collage courses funded by the gov on foodstamps or truly declare myself disabled. I started thinking because my body was broken and I didn't want to continue to use stuff just to keep up though I find I still have to because of the stresses that everyone says can't possibly be there that are in my life and are real and are a problem and yes it may be MY problem but if you bloody well took the time to friggin ask me what is wrong have the courtesy to BLOODY WELL LISTEN and I am open to solutions to my problems but just that solutions not well I deal so so should you and if you can't fuck you you worthless whiney bitch. And when is a valid complaint whining? why can a valid problem be considered drama? we all got our selves to where we are either by cause and effect and reaction rather then response either by doing the "smart" thing or the "dumb" thing. So when does the criticism end and just acceptance of others life situations, out looks, and ways of being start? when we all realize we are all just attempting to BE and have yet to truly BE. Okay bitchfest over and no writers cramp HA good day!

In quite the conundrum. Do I pass on the messege my dead Cousin is giving me for his family or hide fight it and hope he leaves me alone cuz of how scared I am for his families reaction to what I will say because it is on his behalf. these are times I don't like to "hear" though his family is supposedly mine too I shouldn't be afraid of them but between my reactons growing up, to their responses there is no trust love honor or respect in any of the relationships I have with them so this is why I fear telling people in these situations things, because growing up this wasn't real, Just like how I got the chicken pox, that started where it shouldn't have was a lie. Or me remembering when I was hosplitalized afterwards because my fever went so high I almost died and they had to restrain me @ 4 years old. Or the scary things that would pinch poke and push me around that weren't there to physically see. Blah I have issues lol

things have been busy. I got my back and hips in the right places again (been 6 years since there wasn't an inch difference in where my hips were at) and my website ready to be published. the only thing I need now is couple ace bandages lavender and a bed sheet and my traveling shaman spa treatment is ready to get on the road. go to spirits and totems on facebook if you are in the area to book your spa treatment today lol I am so not getting tired of saying that hee hee hee https://www.facebook.com/pages/SpiritsandTotems/310660045792943